Children are very observational and will mimic what they see their parents doing. It is important that we model generous behavior to our children.

Kids can learn to give and receive compliments by practicing gratitude. Young school age children are ready to begin learning how to say thank you for a compliment.

Give a Compliment

When your child is complimented, they feel good about themselves. And they can pass that joy on to others when they give compliments to their friends and loved ones.

Compliments show that you care and are thinking about them. They are important, especially to young children who struggle with self-worth and value.

But giving and receiving compliments is a skill that must be learned and developed. Often, a compliment is not received well because it’s sarcastic or doesn’t match their reality.

When a compliment is given to kids, it should be genuine and specific. You could say, “I like your eyes or your smile” or “You’re great at your sport.” To help kids learn how to give a compliment, the On Our Sleeves experts created a hands-on Create a Compliment activity and a companion poster. They can practice by writing their compliments and then practicing on people in their lives before saying them out loud.

Give an Act of Kindness

Children who learn to be kind experience improved academic and social outcomes. One way to teach them is through random acts of kindness. You can help them find opportunities like picking a dandelion and handing it to a friend, helping a neighbor shovel their walk, or leaving a treat for their mail carrier. They can also save coins from a jar or penny bank to donate when it’s full.

Young kids can share their toys with friends, while older kids can make someone else’s day by cheering up a friend who is down or giving them a call just to say hi. Encourage them to reach out to new kids in their class or at school and support those being teased or singled out.

Make family volunteering a regular habit by choosing projects like cleaning up your neighborhood, collecting food for a local food bank or helping a neighbor with yard work. Watching inspiring movies that show characters who do good deeds can be an excellent conversation starter, too.

Give a Praise

Praise is one of the best ways to help kids learn how to feel good about themselves. It motivates them to keep doing positive things by teaching them that their efforts are appreciated and valued. But it’s important to praise in a way that is sincere. Children can tell when caregivers don’t really mean what they say, and that can have a negative impact on their self-esteem.

Instead of personal praise, like “You’re a great artist!” try descriptive praise, like “I love the way you used color to paint that piece.” This type of praise lets kids know you notice and value their hard work and progress.

Also be careful not to praise too often, especially with older kids. Research suggests that overpraising can reduce intrinsic motivation for a task, because it can cause kids to only pursue activities they think will earn them praise.

For example, if their mom always praises them for eating broccoli, the child might only want to eat broccoli because she wants her parent’s approval (Henderlong Corpus and Kayla Good 2022). Instead, consider how you can show your appreciation with nonverbal gestures and expressions, such as a thumbs up, a smile or a hug.

Give a Reward

While descriptive praise and affection are the most powerful rewards for kids, tangible rewards have their place too. Whether it’s stickers, small toys, treats, extra time to play with a sibling or choice of dinner or earning points towards a special reward (like a family bike ride), these types of rewards can make positive behaviour more effective.

It’s important to link a reward directly to the behaviour, so kids see the connection and feel motivated to repeat it. It’s also a good idea to switch up the kinds of rewards you offer to keep things interesting and motivate kids to try new behaviours.

It’s also important to make sure your rewards are developmentally appropriate, attainable and non-competitive. For example, rewarding a child for not crying in public would send the wrong message. Instead, a simple consequence like withholding a video-chat with a friend might be more effective. This helps kids learn that misbehaviour has consequences.